The Hardwired Hinterland

Pirates and Primates! Yarr!

Hijinks ensue in Eta Wongo!

Episode 4
Doc Quest saved the life of an air pirate, who goes by the name of Pistol Pete. To pay off the blood debt he owed to the doctor, he tells them about the crystal.

El Terrible got the crystal from Sir Barker, one of Anson’s knights. Barker is sick and tired on the way Anson runs things and is looking to finance a revolution. Sir Barker was a real knight, at least he says he was, and is working behind the scenes looking to foment insurrection.

Louie gets a picture of Hansen to go on his Tout board. Ivan the Bear is at 25:1, Mexican Mike 40:1, Brutus 30:1, Hansen 20:1, Bobo 1:1.

Nick, Doc, Hansen, and the Cobra Kid, fly back to Palino Islands and have dinner with their boss, Sacha. Before they go, they buy a gift at the gift store, a brass monkey with large… bits. They put it in box and have it gift wrapped. Then they ask Jeb and Chauncey to “hold” the gift for them. It’s a “present” for someone.

Then they go to Omo’s Fresh Oyster bar for dinner and Hansen has a 2’ wide oyster for dinner, Nick a lobster, Doc a seafood salad (the baby octopuses still alive) and the Kid has some of Omo’s Gumbo. Which the Kid spices up with some Major Tucker’s Mother ****** Sauce, (2 million on the Scoville Scale). Later Doc buys a bottle for “experimentation”. Hansen eschews the complementary crowbar to open his oyster, and then uses his bare hands to pry it open.

Giant oyster

Tout board: Hansen 15:1

That night, someone tries to break into Small Island Tours, but Chauncey deals with them.

Next day they go marlin fishing and Sacha catches a nice one. Then they head to the turtle sea to check out the giant turtles that live there. They spot some about 6’ wide up to a couple of monsters 20’ wide.

That’s when Hansen gets the idea of going after one. With a knife between his teeth, he dives into the water and goes after an 8’ turtle. It comes after him, and manages to gash Hansen’s arm. Then Hansen swings around and puts his knife through the turtle’s neck and spine, killing it.

From the plane, they see the water thrash and roil, then a blood slick forms, and then Hansen and the turtle surface, Hansen grinning from ear to ear. They load the turtle onto the plane and fly back to the Paloni Islands. Word gets out about Hansen’s adventure.

Giant turtle

Tout board: Hansen 5:1, Bobo 2:1

That night, there is a big party as the turtle is broken up and cooked six ways from Sunday. One enterprising fellow starts making sausages out of the turtle’s bits. Hansen is served the head of the turtle, cooked by one of the chefs from the casino. Booze flows freely and a fun time is had by all.

Next morning, under his new turtle shell canopy, a very hungover Hansen wakes up, amid the debauchery of the night before. He has a fight tonight, and Doc Quest gets him fixed up with a vitamin B shot. Pilots and hanger ons are everywhere. Sacha slept in a tire. Oh his back!

Chauncey had some bad news, someone stole the “present” they had left with Jeb and Chauncey. It was done while they were at the turtle feast.

Bright eyed and fuzzy tailed, they fly to Pago Pago and see that there are hundreds of sea planes beached or dropped anchor in the lagoon. They are give a beach birth, and as they go past Louie’s, Pistol Pete hails them from a bed on a porch, one of the bar “girls” helping to prop him up. He lets them know he’s bet on Hansen to win.

As they approach the arena, they see radio antennas sprouting high into the sky. Hundreds of people are about, vendors everywhere selling all sorts of gewgaws and whatnots. Also there is the fellow who made sausages the night before hawking “Turtle Dogs”. He gives one to Hansen, who then poses with him touting the fellow’s dogs. The vendor sells out completely of his dogs.

They see all sorts of people, including folks with boxes on their shoulders that have a lens and small screen, video cameras. This fight is being broadcast to a hundred stations on almost every environ in the civilized Hinterland.

Hansen is showed his dressing room, it’s well appointed and has all the things a fighter would want. He’s then taken to his seat for the fights. Bobo is taking on four fighters, Ivan the Bear, Magnificent Mike, Brutus, and finally Hansen. Hansen meets them all before the fight starts. Ivan is in his robe waiting to start.

The bouts are across the day, at 10am is Ivan, then at Noon is Mike, at 3pm is Brutus, and finally at 6pm is Hansen.

Between bouts, there are Thai Boxing Chimps, Sumo Gorillas, Karate Simians.

Ivan lasts two rounds, and is pinned to the mat by Bobo.

Mike doesn’t even last a round and is thrown into the second row of seats.

Kick boxing orangutans in thailand011

Brutus lasts four rounds and only goes down when Bobo breaks his upper left arm bone. Like the former gladiator he is, Brutus gestures for leniency, Bobo looks to the other fighters and they give thumbs up, so instead of beating him unconscious, Bobo helps him up and makes sure that Brutus’s arm is take care of.

Finally, after the sumo gorillas finish their bouts, Hansen goes back to his dressing room and gets ready for his turn in the ring. He has a silk robe, his name monogrammed on the front, and on the back there is a turtle shell, with a human head and arms sticking out of it, and the name “Snapper Hansen” embroidered over that.

He walks to the ring, with nearly a thousand people in the stands, spotlight on him. The crowd cheers and the chant of “Snapper-snapper” goes up as he walks to his destiny…

Tout board: Hansen 4:1, Bobo 3:1


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